To insure that all this time we've spent together, building something,
wasn't wasted.
Oh, she's not gonna ruin the comic.
I wasn't talkin' about the comic.
I'm gonna go get a bagel.
Clean off my fucking couch so I can watch TV.
From what I understand, when you sign with a publisher...
someone else does all this work for you, and you just sit back and collect.
And miss these late-night cram sessions with my nearest and dearest?
- Never. - I don't know what she's bitching about.
All she's done since we got here is pound Merlot.
Yeah, you're a real help.
I'd like to know why we're here at all...
when we haven't seen Princess Funny Book in a month.
- Yeah. Who you shackin' up with? - "Shacking up with"? Please.
I'm so in love!
Ohh!
I know, I know. I feel like such a goon, but I can't help it.
- We have such a great time together. - Who is it?
Someone you guys don't know.
That chick you left the restaurant with that night.
They're not from around here.
Don't even tell me you met her down the shore.
Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel Jersey dyke.
With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.
For your information, they don't have big hair or wear acid-wash.
They're from my hometown.
Why are you playing the pronoun game?
- What are you talking about? I'm not. - You are.
I met "someone." "We" have a great time. "They're" from my hometown.
Doesn't this tube of wonderful have a name?
Holden.
Well...
here's to the both of you.
Another one bites the dust.
Can I ask you a question?
Don't even tell me you want to do it again.
Why me? You know? Why now?
Well, because you were givin' me that look and I got all wet.
You know what I mean.
Why not you?
Well, I'm a guy. I mean... you're attracted to girls.
I see you've been taking notes.
Historically, yes. That's true.
Then why this?
Well, I've given that a lot of thought, you know.
Now that I'm being ostracized by my friends,
I've had plenty of time to think about it.
And what I've come up with is really simple.
I came to this on my own terms.
You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught:
Men and women should be together, it's the natural way,
that kind of thing.
I'm not with you because of what family, society, life...
tried to instill in me from day one.
The way the world is,
how seldom it is that you meet that one person who...
just gets you.
It's so rare.
My parents didn't really have it.
There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships.
And to cut oneself off from finding that person...
to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility...
of finding that one person within your own gender...
that just seemed stupid to me.
So I didn't.
But then you came along.
You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Still am.
And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that,
because you were a guy.
Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place:
To not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd...
complement me so completely.
So, here we are.
I was thorough when I looked for you.
And I feel justified lying in your arms...
'cause I got here on my own terms,
and I have no question there was someplace I didn't look.
For me that makes all the difference.
Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep-dicking?
- Move! - Stop!
- What? - Check out page 48.
- So? - Did you see the nickname?
- "Finger Cuffs." - And?
- Weird nickname. What's your point? - Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"?
- No. I suppose you do. - I do.
Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson and went to North our senior year?
Yeah.
Well, asshole, I ran into him at the stores the other day.
God, it's been ages since I've seen him.
- Mentioned you were dating Alyssa. - Did you?
Yeah. Funny thing is, you know what he said?
Shit, I know Alyssa Jones. I mean, I know Alyssa Jones.
Me and Rick Derris used to hang around her house after school...
and shit, 'cause her parents were, like, never home and shit, right?
But one day Rick whips it out and starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit,
chasin' her around the living room; I was dyin'.
You know what the crazy bitch did? She fuckin' drops to her knees...
and starts suckin' him off right in front of me, like I wasn't even there.
I almost died. But that's not the fucked-up part.
The fucked-up part was Rick, right in the middle of it, pointin' at her,
and he says "Cohee," just like that, "Cohee."
So I'm like, "Yo, I'll give it a shot."
I start pullin' her pants down and shit, all slow 'cause I figure any second...
she's gonna turn around and belt me in the mouth, right?
But she's all into it, man! She don't try to stop me or nothin'!
She's all wet and I just start goin' to work, you know what I'm sayin'?
Me and Rick are goin' to town on this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it,
all moaning and shit.
It was fucked-up. So Rick came up with the nickname.
That day she had us locked in from both sides like Chinese finger cuffs.
He's full of shit.
Cohee's a lot of things, but an exaggerator he's not.
- The dude's Catholic. - She's never even been with a guy.
That's what she says. But I say her on her hands and knees...
getting filled out like an application constitutes "being with a guy."
Look, man. Cohee Lundin is pulling your chain, okay?
The fact you even believe him makes you look like a complete fuckin' idiot.
I'm getting your back, asshole!
People don't forget shit like "Finger Cuffs."
What if it got out that she's queer as well? How's that gonna make you look?
- Well, I give a shit what people think. - Fuck!
All right. What if she's carrying a disease?
- Fuck you! - What?
Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded-up?
Cohee I can vouch for is clean. The dude never got laid in high school.
But Derris? He's an arch-fucking-bushman!
Name me one chick in our senior class that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake!
Let it go, okay? I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy,
much less these two fuckin' zeroes.
And the bitch could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak!
Would you let it go, okay? I'm fuckin' tired of this shit!
She's my goddamn girlfriend! Show a little fuckin' respect!
And I swear to God, if I ever hear you so much as fucking mention...
Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put your fucking teeth down your throat!
Maybe I'll put your fuckin' teeth down your throat.
Yeah, maybe.
I've been workin' out, ya know!
You better be ready to make that deal.
So, where's that bitch partner of yours been?
Sulking.
He's having a real problem with this Alyssa thing.
I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero,
and I'm just another paradigm of said aberration.
- Banky does not hate gays. - But he is a bit homophobic.
This latest episode between you and Miss Thing has tapped into that.
In his warped perception, he lost you to the "dark side," which is she.
You make it sound like me and him were dating.
Don't kid yourself.
That boy loves you in a way that he ain't ready to deal with.
- He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa. - Uh-uh, honey!
And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury uncovered about your lady fair?
He heard some bullshit story that she took on two guys.
Really?
Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree if he wants to split you up, isn't he?
He's not gonna make you see the error of your ways...
by pointing out how truly gay she's not.
- This one? - I have it.
- Actually, it has kinda gotten to me. - How so?
Well, Banky's got a pretty good bullshit detector.
- He's not known for misinformation. - So what if it is true?
- Would that bother you? - Sex with multiple partners?
At the same time?
Ah! Ooh!
Thanks for being so comforting. I appreciate it.
So, what do you care?
That's just it, you know? I shouldn't care.
- But it just... It gets to me. - Look,
the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't think she's been in the middle...
of an all-girl group grope?
You see, that doesn't bother me, right? But just the thought of her with guys...
Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't drop 50 stories in my opinion of you...
by falling prey to that latest of trendy beasts.
- Which is? - Lesbian chic.
It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl nowadays. People think it's cute.
Got this fool picture of lipstick lesbians in their heads,
like they all resemble Alyssa, while most of'em look more like you.
Do I detect a little intersubculture cattiness here?
Gay or straight, ugly's still ugly.
And most of those boys are scary.
I thought you fags were all supersupportive of one another.
Screw that all-for-one shit.
I gotta deal with bein' a minority in the minority of the minority,
and nobody's supportin' my ass.
While the whole of society's fawning over girls-on-girls,
here I sit, a reviled gay man.
And to top that off, I'm a gay black man,
notoriously, the most swishy of the bunch.
- Three strikes... - Hey, hey! There's a line.
Are you Hooper X?
- Salaam alaykem, little brother. - Could you sign my comic?
Hey. You see that man right there?
He the devil. Understand?
Never take your eye off the Man.
- Fight the power, little G. - Word is bond.
Word is bond.
Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect.
What is it about gay men that terrifies the rest of the world?
- As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past, - Um-hm.
Maybe what's troubling you is that your fragile fantasy might not be true.
- What does that mean? - Holden, don't even try to come off...
like you don't know what I'm sayin'.
Men need to believe that they're Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex.
Like they're the only ones who've ever explored new territory.
And it's hard not to let 'em believe it.
I let my boys run with it for a while.
Feed 'em some of that "I've never done this before" bullshit...
and let them labor under the delusion that they're rockin' my world...
until I can't stand 'em no more, then I hit 'em with the truth.
It's a sick game.
The world would be a better place...
if people would just accept there's nothin' new under the sun,
and anything you can do with a person...
has probably been done long before you got there.
- Hey, I can accept that. - Honey, that almost sounded convincing.
Just ask the girl about her past point-blank.
Get it out of the way before it gets too big for both of y'all to move.
Ooh! Yanni!
Boo! Boo!
Since most of these people are rooting for the home team,
I'm going to cheer for the visitors.
I'm a big visitors fan.
Especially the kind that make coffee for you in the morning before they go.
That was a joke. Bah-dum-bah.
A little wacky wordplay.
Wha-What do you mean, "visitors"?
Was I being too obscure?
The kind that, until recently, had no dicks and would stay the night.
So, uh, that was until recently, right?
Uh, yeah.
Hey! Foul! Foul! He was traveling or something.
So, nobody but me has spent the night at your place since we got together?
Somethin' on your mind, Holden?
- Just wondering. - If I've been faithful or something?
I was just asking.
Oh, sweetie.
I only have eyes for you.
If you don't start usin' that whistle, I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass!
Right?
What's uh... What's with "Finger Cuffs"?
"Finger Cuffs"?
In your senior yearbook your nickname was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean?
- It was? - Yeah.
Shit. Damned if I can remember.
I'd look it up, but I threw all that shit out years ago.
- Where'd you see a North yearbook? - Do you know a Rick Derris?
- Rick Derris? - Yeah.
Sure. We used to hang out in high school.
Punch him in the fuckin' neck, number 12!
Come on. Come on!
Did you guys, like, date or something?
Date Rick Derris? No, no. We just hung out a lot.
Just-Just you and Rick.
No. Me, Rick and, um...
God, what was his name?
Um... What was his name?
- What was his name? - Cohee.
Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin!
God, I haven't thought about that name in years.
Those guys used to come over to my house almost every day after school.
They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes,
raid the fridge.
They really took advantage of my parents' never being home.
This one day,
Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it.
Right in front of Cohee, man. I couldn't believe it.
Rick pulled his dick out? Really?
What did you do?
I blew him while Cohee fucked me!
- Excuse me? - That's what you wanted to hear.
That's what this little cross-examination of your is all about?
Well, next time try not to make it so obvious, all right?
There's subtler ways of badgering a witness. Am I right?
Geez, man. Even I knew what you were gettin' at.
If you wanted background information on me, all you had to do was ask.
I would have gladly volunteered it.
You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot.
Told ya these were good seats.
Hey. Hey!
- Hey, would you wait a minute? - Get the fuck off me!
- So it's true, right? - Is that what you wanna hear?
Yeah, Holden, it's true.
In fact, everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true.
Yeah, I took on two guys at once!
You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed?
I took a 26-year-old guy to my senior prom...
and left to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo.
How about in college when I let Shannon Hamilton videotape us having sex,
only to find out he broadcast it on the campus cable station.
They're all true. Didn't you know? I am the queen of suburban legend!
Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me?
What the fuck's wrong with you? How could you do all those things?
Easily!
Some I did out of stupidity, some I did out of what I thought was love.
But good or bad, they are my choices,
and I am not making apologies for them now!
Not to you, or not to anyone!
And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less?
Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgmental prick?
How the fuck am I supposed to feel about all this?
How are you supposed to feel about it?
Feel whatever the fuck you want to about it, all right?
The only thing that matters is how you feel about me.
- I don't know how I feel about you now. - Why? Why?
- Because I had some sex? - Some sex?
Yes, Holden. That's all it was, some sex.
Most of it stupid high school sex.
Like you never had sex in high school.
There is a world of fucking difference between typical high school sex...
and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys at the same time!
- They fuckin' used you. - No! I used them!
You don't think I would have let it happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you?
I was an experimental girl, for Christ's sake!
Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B,
but, unlike you, I was not given a fucking map at birth.
So I tried it all.
That is until we... that's you and I... got together.
And suddenly I was sated.
Can't you take some fucking comfort in that?
You turned out to be all I was looking for,
the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle.
Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you were the only guy I'd ever been with.
I should have been more honest.
But it just didn't... It seemed to make you feel special in a way...
that me telling you over and over how incredible you are wouldn't get across.
Holden, I'm sorry.
Just don't do that.
Do you mean to tell me that, while you have zero problem...
with me sleeping with half the women in New York City,
you have some sort of half-assed, mealy-mouthed objection...
to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago?
What the fuck is your problem?
I want us to be something that we can't be.
And what's that?
A normal couple.
Fuck!
The girl?
Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here.
Smells like someone shit in his cereal. Nooch.
What took you guys so long? What are you, at the mall again?
Bitch, don't even start, all right? We stopped that shit years ago.
Toss the salad.
Damn, this likeness rights shit is more profitable than sellin' smoke.
How did a dirt merchant like you ever learn about likeness rights?
We deal to a lot of lawyers. You know what I'm sayin'?
Speaking of which... A little signin' bonus and shit?
No, I'll pass. Did you guys take a look at the issue?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You need to throw some pussy in that book, man.
Like, throw some supervillain with big fuckin' tits...
that shoot milk or somethin', and I'll just, like, suck her dry...
and bust some moves on her.
Then she has to fuck me. I mean, fuck us.
I'll see what I can do.
- All right, boys. What'll it be? - I'm all set, thanks.
Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
You want one too? Make that two, and kiss my grits. Nooch.
Did you ever watch that show, Alice? That show was funny as hell, man.
So why the long face, horse? Banky on the rag?
I'm just, uh... I'm just havin' a little girl trouble.
Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.
No. I'm just, uh...
I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to do.
Kick her to the fuckin' curb. Girls get to be too much trouble.
There's always the band... of the hand.
Can't do it, G. I'm in love.
Nah, there ain't no such thing. You got to boil it down to the essentials.
Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed. Advice from the 'hood.
- So who is this girl? - Oh, I don't think you know her.
Come on, man. I'm people who know people.
You sound like Barbra Streisand.
Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch playin' her greatest hits tape...
in my ear all the time.
You gotta see it. When she starts singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"
this faggot starts cryin' like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit.
Big fuckin' softie. So what's the skirt's name?
I'm tellin' ya, man. You don't know the girl.
I ain't playin', man. Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio.
Alyssa Jones.
Holy fuckin' shit. Finger Cuffs?
You're dating Finger Cuffs, you silly son of a bitch?
Wait a second. I thought she was all gay and shit.
She was, or she is. I don't know.
And you're dating her. Man, you're a lucky fuck.
She ever bring bitches to bed with you?
Get a little of that Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on?
Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, baby. Right?
What's up? Yeah. So four tits and what?
- No, man. It's not like that. - What's it like, then?
Right now? I don't know.
I love her, you know? But, uh, she has a past.
I'll say. Stuffin' two guys, eatin' chicks out and shit.
You know, I heard one time she had this dog...
Eat your fuckin' bagel already and shut up.
Look at this touchy motherfucker right here.
So if you're all in love and shit, what's the problem?
The problem is stupid shit like that.
It was bad enough when it was just girls, you know?
You throw guys into the mix... two guys at once, no less...
All that experience, you know? What am I supposed to think?
Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead, 'cause now she'll be all true and blue.
Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin' for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass.
Settling for my boring ass. That's comforting. Thanks, Jay.
- That's what I'm here for. - I'm just havin' a problem with it.
It's like I can't get these visuals out of my head of her doing all this shit.
And I don't know why I can't let it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl.
- I look at her, I see kids, grandkids... - You're scarin' me.
Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself 'cause I think so much of this girl...
that I can't get stupid shit like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head.
I don't know. I don't know what I'm doin'.
Chasin' Amy.
What? What did you say?
- You're chasing Amy. - What do you look so shocked for, man?
Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks 'cause he don't say anything...
it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth.
Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up?
Always yap-yap-yapping all the time. Give me a fuckin' headache.
I went through somethin' like what you're talkin' about a couple years ago.
- This chick named Amy. - When?
A couple of years ago.
What, she live in Canada or something? Why don't I remember this?
Bitch, what you don't know about me...
I could just about squeeze in the Grand-fucking-Canyon.
Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Huh?
Bet you didn't even know that shit, did you?
Just tell your fuckin' story so we can get out of here and smoke this.
So there's me and Amy. And we're inseparable. Just big-time in love.
Then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in,
and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know, is a really dumb move.
You don't want to know, but you just have to know.
Stupid guy bullshit.
So, anyway, she starts tellin' me about him.
They fell in love, went out for a couple of years, lived together.
Her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay.
But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this:
It seems that a couple of times, while they were goin' out,
he brought some people to bed with them.
Menage a trois, I believe it's called.
Now this just blows my mind, right? I'm not used to this sort of thing.
- I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes. - Saint Shithead.
Do somethin'.
So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin' her.
I don't know how to deal with what I'm feelin', so I figure the best way is...
if call her "slut," right, and tell her she was used.
I'm out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl.
"What the fuck is your problem?" And she's just calmly trying to tell me,
"It was that time, that place," and she doesn't think she should apologize...
because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong.
I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.
Fuckin' A.
No, idiot. It was a mistake.
I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid.
You know, at that moment I felt small, like I'd lacked experience,
like I'd never be on her level, never be enough for her or something like that.
But what I did not get, she didn't care.
She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore, she was lookin' for me, for the Bob.
But by the time I figured this all out, it's too late, man. She moved on.
All I had to show for it was foolish pride which then gave way to regret.
She was the girl. I know that now.
But...
I pushed her away.
So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy.
So to speak.
Enough of this fuckin' melodrama. My advice? Forget her, dude.
There's one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces.
Get up, tons of fun. We gotta book.
- Catchin'a bus to Chi-town. - Why? What's there?
Business, yo. How many more of those fat envelopes we get comin' to us?
Uh, I don't know.
I don't know how much longer the book's gonna be around.
Yeah, good. I'll be glad as shit when it's gone.
There's a million people who'd love to see themself in a comic book.
But that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit,
runnin' around like a couple of dickheads.
Sayin'... What's that shit he got us sayin'?
Oh, um... "snootchie-bootchies."
"Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck talks like that? That is baby talk.
It's a big world, G. We're bound to run into you again.
- Till then, keep your unit on ya. - I'll try.
No, no, no, no, no. Do or do not. There is no try...
Knock that shit off! We got a bus to catch.
Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
- Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck.
Okay.
You guys are probably wondering why I asked you here at the same time...
knowing that we have shit to settle between us separately.
I just figured you wanted to kill two birds with one stone.
You know, by telling her to fuck off with me here...
so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later on.
- Fuck you. - Not even if you let me videotape it.
Okay, enough. All right?
Enough.
Now, I've been going over and over and over this whole thing,
and I've dissected it a thousand different ways.
Banky, there's tension between you and I for the first time in our lives.
You hate me dating Alyssa and you want me to sign off on this cartoon thing.
How perceptive.
Alyssa,
you and I have hit a wall...
'cause I don't know how to deal with your, uh, your past, I guess.
That's a nice way of putting it.
I'd have said "the whole double stuff" thing.
Shut up.
Now,
I know I'm to blame one way or another on both accounts.
Alyssa, with you because... I feel inadequate,
because you've had such a big life and so much experience,
and my life's been pretty small in comparison.
- That doesn't matter to me. - Please.
I have to get through this, okay?
Banky, I know why you're having such a hard time with me and Alyssa.
It's something that's been obvious forever and I guess...
I guess I just didn't acknowledge it.
You're in love with me.
What?
You're attracted to me. Just as, in a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you.
It makes sense. We've been together so long, we have so much in common.
Well, I gotta get goin'.
I gotta catch the last few minutes of Little House.
It's somethin' you're gonna have to deal with, Bank.
And that would explain your jealousy of Alyssa,
your homophobia, your sense of humor...
Jesus, just 'cause a guy's got a predilection toward dick jokes...
Bank. Stop.
Deal with it. You'll feel much better.
Okay.
Now, you guys are probably asking yourselves the same question...
that I've been going over and over in my head the past few weeks:
What does one have to do with the other?
Don't.
And when I did some serious soul-searching,
it came to me from outta nowhere.
And it all made sense. And a calm came over me.
I know what we have to do.
And then you, Banky, you, Alyssa, and I...
all of us... can finally be... all right.
Please don't say it.
We've all gotta have sex together.
I mean, look, don't you see?
That would take care of everything.
Alyssa, with you, I won't feel too inadequate or conservative anymore,
because I'll have done something on a par with all your experience.
And it will be with you, which will make it that much more powerful.
Banky, you can take that leap...
that everyone else but you sees you should take.
And it'll be with me, your best friend for years.
We've been everything to each other but intimates,
and now we'll have been through that together too.
And it won't be a total leap for you because a woman will be involved.
And when it's over, all that hostility you feel toward Alyssa will be gone...
because you'll have shared in something beautiful with the woman I love.
It'll be cathartic.
This will keep us together.
What do ya say?
Sure.
You know I need this.
You know it'll help.
No.
Thank Christ.
Sorry.
No? I thought you'd be into this.
You did? What does that say about me?
Sweetheart, you've done stuff like this before.
This should be no big deal for you.
You don't want this. You really don't want this.
No, I do want this. This has to happen. Can't you see that?
I mean, how can you not? No? What does that say about me?
You can take it from two guys whose names you can hardly remember,
but I ask you to share an experience about intimacy, and you say no?
- I can't. - Baby, yes, you can.
I'll be there. And when it's over we'll be the strongest we've ever been...
'cause we'll have been through this together.
Then we'll be on the same level and there'll be nothing we can't accomplish.
Oh, Holden.
That time is over for me.
I've been there and I've done it...
and I didn't find what I was looking for in any of it.
I found that it you. In us.
Doing this won't help you forget about the things you're hung up on.
- It'll create more. - No. I've thought about all that.
Yes, it will!
Maybe you'll see me differently from then on.
Maybe you'll despise me for going along with it once you're in the moment.
Maybe I'll moan differently,
and then you'll resent Banky and become suspicious of us.
Or you'll alienate him because of it.
You'll grow to blame and hate me for the deterioration of your friendship.
Or what if... and God, I sincerely doubt it...
but what if I saw something in Banky that I've never seen before,
you know, and I fell in love with him and left you?
I've been down roads like this before.
Many times.
I know you feel doing this will broaden your horizons...
and give you experience.
But I've had those experiences, on my own.
And I can't accompany you on yours.
I'm past that now.
Or maybe I just love you too much.
And I feel hurt and let down that you would want to share me with anyone.
Because I would never want to share you.
Regardless,
I can't be a part of this.
Or you. Not anymore.
I love you.
I always will.
Know that.
But I'm not your fucking whore.
He's yours again.
A blast from the past.
Do you know how much it's going for these days? $110.
You sign it, it'll push that up even higher.
You sell it I want a kickback.
I don't know if it's true,
but I heard once there was going to be an animated series?
- There was going to be. - What happened?
You're lookin' at it. No Chronic, no cartoon.
- That would have been awesome! - Tell me about it.
So is that what happened with you and Holden McNeil?
You got into a fight over the rights or something?
- It was more complicated than that. - Whatever happened to that guy?
I don't know. Quit the biz, I guess.
So, you guys don't talk anymore?
No. Not really.
Yeah. That happened to me once. Me and this guy started a comic club.
And we got into a fight over who looked better in bare legs, Electra or Robin.
Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck out on my own, kinda like Nomad.
I'm rambling on now. What I meant to say is...
that you probably shouldn't have killed off Chronic.
Guess not. Some doors just shouldn't be opened.
Oh, like the door to death in Baby Dave's Winter Special,
which you did on your own.
See? You don't need that McNeil guy, anyway. You do great work on your own.
Look at your line work. Look at all the detail in this douche bag on page 18.
Look at how you draw a fart.
And tell me you're not better off without Holden McNeil.
I mean, you were just carrying that guy like a brown-bag lunch,
you know what I'm saying?
- You're so right. - Yeah, well, the true fans always are.
Well, keep up the good work, man. Love those dick jokes. Love 'em.
See ya.
Yeah.
Bye.
Okay. Who's next?
Hi.
Thanks for readin' it.
I can't believe this place. These people are so weird.
You wanted to come.
God, I can't believe you call these people contemporaries.
Look at this guy over here with the pointy ears? What's that?
- He's a Vulcan. - A what?
A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer.
Why don't you take a walk and get us something to drink?
Okay, I will.
Um, this isn't one of mine.
It's mine.
I saved you a copy.
Hi.
How've you been?
Uh, good. Really good. Yourself?
Good.
The new issue's selling like crazy, for some reason.
Yeah, well, it's because it's really good. I liked it a lot.
Thank you.
I haven't even seen this yet. Did it just come out?
Uh, oh, about a month ago. I did a really small run.
Self-financed, only about 500 issues.
Will I enjoy it?
You might. It's familiar subject matter.
Looks like a very personal story.
I finally had something personal to say.
Well, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna hold up your line here.
Yeah.
I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw this nun call a small child a cunt-rag.
You know, read that, if you have a minute.
I will.
If you get the chance, call me. I'd like to hear your thoughts, or... whatever.
Okay.
It was really nice seeing you again.
It was really nice to see you too.
- Who was that? - Huh?
Who was that?
Oh, just some guy I knew.
Next. So, what do you want to do tonight?
I could not believe #
Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
- Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck.